Giving a eulogy is an honour and privilege, but also a huge responsibility. It is often the focal point of a funeral, and the best chance to share who the deceased was with the audience. That’s why writing and presenting them can be incredibly difficult.
Read on to learn how to write a eulogy, and how to present yourself well while you deliver it.
What is a Eulogy?
A eulogy is a speech that praises someone, most commonly in the form of a tribute after they have passed away. They are usually delivered by a loved one of the deceased, such as a family member or close friend.
If you find yourself being named to write and present a eulogy, you are probably grieving and writing is the last thing on your mind.
Thankfully, there is no wrong way to write a eulogy. Eulogies are intensely personal and are designed to be felt by real people. They aren’t a paper to be graded. So take the pressure off yourself and learn how to write a eulogy that will capture who the deceased was and give them a fitting farewell.
Key Considerations BEFORE You Start Writing
The most important decisions when writing a eulogy should be made long before you write the first sentence. They aren’t about what you should write, but instead how you should write.
Tone
While Funerals may be sombre occasions, that doesn’t mean you have to write a eulogy that is grim or boring. If the deceased was a funny, larger than life character, the best way to show that might be to tell some of their jokes, or some funny anecdotes from your time together.
This is just one example of a different tone, but the point is to try to match your eulogy to their personality. It is a celebration of the life they lived, and helping the audience picture that life is a great way to help them remember their lost loved one.
Script or Bullet Points?
Are you someone who thinks well on their feet and gives speeches based on bullet points? Or do you prefer the security of having every word written down in case your mind blanks in the moment?
Both styles have benefits. Using bullet points gives you room to let your feelings flow, and can make you sound more natural. On the other hand, a fully written script guarantees you won’t feel like you forgot to say something important after the fact.
There is no right or wrong answer! Pick whichever style you are most comfortable with, because being comfortable is the most important thing.
Decide on a Structure
There are plenty of different ways you can structure a eulogy:
- Chronologically – telling their life story in order
- Reverse chronologically – starting with their recent past and then discussing their earlier life
- Anecdotally – sharing a series of stories that help encapsulate their life and personality
- Thematically – discussing a central theme like loyalty, friendship or honesty, and explaining how they embodied it
Remember, there is no ‘proper’ structure, choose what you believe best represents your lost loved one.
How to Portray the Deceased?
There are a lot of factors to consider when deciding how you want to portray the deceased. Keep in mind that how you remember them is just one perspective, and that all of their loved ones will have their own version of the deceased that they remember.
If you are planning to write a fairly unconventional eulogy, like using a lot of humour, or telling stories that most of the audience wouldn’t have heard, it is a good idea to run it by other friends and family first. This will help you make sure you won’t upset or offend anyone.
With that said, if friends and family members have agreed that you should write the eulogy, they likely already have a lot of trust in you, so it’s something you should too be aware of, but not something you need to panic about.
How to Write a Eulogy
When you write a eulogy, you are writing about someone’s life, and their life is a story. Like all stories, a good eulogy has a beginning, middle and end.
1. Briefly Introduce Yourself
Funerals can have large audiences, and not everyone will know each other. It’s always a good idea to introduce yourself and explain your relationship with the deceased for anyone who doesn’t know who you are.
2. Introduce the Deceased
Introduce the deceased to the audience. While this may seem like an odd step, given people attending the funeral already know who they were, it is a nice gesture of respect.
It is also nice at this stage to give an overview of any achievements, activities or notable things that the deceased would have wanted people to know..
3. Acknowledge the Family Members
Close family members often sit at the front row, and it is a gesture of respect to acknowledge them. This can also help anyone else in the audience identify them in case they want to express their condolences after the service.
4. Tell a Story
This is the ‘middle’ of your eulogy. No matter how you have decided to structure it, remember that this part should aim to tell the story of the deceased. You want to help your audience remember, learn new things, or gain new insights into the life of their life.
5. Say Goodbye
This is the end of the eulogy, and your chance to give a final farewell. If you can, think of a nice, emotionally impactful closing statement. This could be ending on a final fond memory, a last word, or even introducing a favourite song as a closing piece, and explaining why the deceased loved it. You can arrange with the funeral director to have it played on your cue.
Tips for Presenting a Eulogy
It isn’t just writing a eulogy that most people worry about, it’s also how to present a eulogy. The first thing to remember is that no one expects a ‘performance’, the best eulogies are often ones that are delivered naturally. With that said, there are some things you can do to make yourself feel more at ease.
Speak Slowly and Naturally
When you get nervous, you tend to talk faster. The problem is, this can cause you to stumble on your words. Try to speak slowly, and closer to your regular conversational speed. This gives you plenty of time to think about your words, and it gives the audience a chance to reflect on each moment in your eulogy.
Rehearse
You probably haven’t tried to rehearse a speech since you did one for a school assignment, but it really can make a difference on the day. If you are someone who likes to have a full script written, reading it aloud can help you know if there are parts that are difficult to say, and the more you can memorise the better!
It’s Okay to be Upset
If you have the honour of writing a eulogy, it’s likely that you were very close to the deceased. People will be very sympathetic if you become emotional while presenting. Everyone is there to grieve and say goodbye, so don’t feel like you have to be the most stoic person in the room.
Have a Backup
With the last point in mind, if you are afraid that you will become so emotional that you can’t finish the eulogy, it’s a good idea to have someone as a backup who can step in for you. Even if you don’t need them, just knowing they are there will make you feel more reassured.
Coast Family Funerals
Writing a eulogy is a tremendous honour, but also a tremendous responsibility. If you are writing a eulogy, it is likely that you are also involved in planning the funeral itself.
Coast Family Funerals is a family-owned, Central Coast funeral director. Our team prides itself on delivering quality care and funeral services. If you are in need of a funeral service, it would be our privilege to assist you.
Please don’t hesitate to contact us to enquire about our services.